Tony gets Steve an official Captain America vine. Steve uses it to promote local art festivals and to put focus on struggling mom and pop businesses and Sam is in the background like "[puts head in hands] This guy is a literal saint. I have sex on a regular basis with a Literal Saint."
I bet you they start out like. Really professional like Steve’s using his Captain America voice while someone else holds his phone and he gives some dorky line while standing next to the shopfront sign
and then in a few weeks it’s just Steve holding his phone over his head swinging it around going “I’m at [——] right now an—” and then a little kid comes up behind him and goes AAAAAA and Steve starts going AAAAAAAAA and they’re both just screaming into the camera until the six seconds are up because they’re LOSERS and Sam physically can’t.
NOT THAT SAM’S VINE IS ANY BETTER oh my god once he’s officially on the Avengers and the Falcon becomes a house hold name; all the bird jokes. SEVERAL instances of him pulling up a youtube phone cam vid of him doing something cool, and dubbing it over with “Y’ALL GON’ MAKE ME RELEASE THE FALCOONNNNN”
Tony and Sam decide it’d be fun to see what cute shit Cap says if you sneak up on him and go ‘Boo’. It backfires immediately because Steve is so comfortable around them and his reaction is to swear viciously and threaten them with bodily harm. Which is still hilarious! Just not something he’d want up on the internet. Sam promises he’ll delete it but Tony keeps it as blackmail (that he has no intention of ever using; he knows Cap’s audience is all ages and he may act like that doesn’t matter to him, but he has a huge fucking soft spot for Cap and his stinking All American morals and he knows it would actually upset him so no, its just for showing to the Avengers for shits and giggles)
“We now know that 24 hours without sleep, or a week of sleeping four or five hours a night induces an impairment equivalent to a blood alcohol level of .1 percent. We would never say, ‘This person is a great worker! He’s drunk all the time!’ yet we continue to celebrate people who sacrifice sleep for work.”—
once i accidentally called 999 and my brother was shouting “im gonna kill you” at his video game in the background and to cut a long story short 20 minutes later 2 police officers showed up at my house to check out a potential murder and this is why i hate my life